For those relatively limited number of people who work Monday through Friday, Monday has always been the day when one seemed to bet ambushed with tasks, which had piled up over the weekend. It can also seem as if even equipment punishes one for ignoring them over the weekend. One, of course, knows that this is not true, but it can seem this way.
I have previously written about the need to not be caught off guard by the fact that we humans often have a difficult time with transition or settling into a new space. This dynamic is really obvious if we are adjusting to a new job, a new relationship, and the death of someone important in our life, or even something as positive as winning the lottery. We may not be expecting as much of an adjustment period when the transition is Monday, which rolls around every week. After all, I often tell myself, I know what to expect and I know that I always get through the day usually without any major problems. Still, knowing this does not always stop me from getting caught up in thinking that some issues are “very serious”. This happens despite the fact that I usually begin the day with listening to news headlines while at the gym and then at least reading the headlines in the morning newspaper over breakfast. The headlines always remind me that many in the world are in the midst of a war, dealing the aftermath of a major “natural disaster” such as an earthquake, with murder life changing issues. The issues with which I am confronted on Monday are very trivial compared to what many in the world are facing on any given day.
I know all this and begin the day with having centered myself spiritually. I have reminded myself that nothing is important except how well I love myself, others and mother earth today. I always think I am prepared for the day. Some days this serenity quietly accompanies me through the day. From this space it is easy to be just present with others and to not get “caught” or sucked into” the serious space of someone else. From this very quiet space it is easy to be supportive of my friend Terry whose house was again flooded – nearly a foot on the first floor. Again! It is easy not to react to my friend whose serenity has been disturbed by her sense of what is “right” or “moral” and “good taste”. It is easy to know that an unfair charge to my bank account because of the mistake of someone else is not a big deal. I will try to resolve the later. Whether or not it gets resolved is not that important. I will be fine either way. A miscommunication about what I need to start using some of the benefits of my health insurance policy is not going to make a difference in my overall health. At worst it will delay my ability to join another gym on the silver sneakers program. A paper that I have lost will be found or not found.
One of the many voices – the one which is “supposed to be in charge” - knows all this. I will be fine and am better off than most of the world population no matter what happens with any of these matters. For some reason, however, this voice is sometimes being overruled by another voice which is feeling more vulnerable and as if this is a really crappy day. There is suddenly a lot of negative chatter attempting to convince me that I need to let others know how intolerant and self righteous their opinions are. I need to be as well organized as my friend Becky. I need to pay more attention and notice what I need to do before an issue arises. I need to …. I should…..
Mercy! What has happened to this mature, spiritually centered, competent person who is fine with making mistakes and with the mistakes of others? Did he just take an arbitrary vacation Monday? Did me not tell me that I was going to do this? (Love this sentence.)
Earlier on Monday I was talking with a friend about how significant changes in the weather affects her chronic medical illness. I agreed with her and shared that we have known for some time that spring and fall were the worst time of the year for many mental illness. They body is using so much energy to adjust the internal temperature to match the external one that there is less overall ability for the body to deal with chronic illness. This makes perfect sense to me.
Twelve step program people frequently talk about HALT – hungry, angry, lonely tired. Any of these can affect the ability for the recovering addict to hold on to new messages, which are not as strong as old messages.
Sometimes we forget that (1) the body is a system, which is part of a larger system, (2) all systems are interactional, and (3) we also have internal file cabinets stored with old messages, which, if accessed or triggered can increase stress.
We humans seem to not have a problem accepting that many factors can affect the ability of machines such as our computers to function. I remember when I lived in a village in Alaska often the electrical current was so weak that an LP would only play in slow motion. In those days we did not have personal computers, which would not have functioned at all with this weak electrical current. Everything from the strength of current, my router and modem, the power and memory of my particular computer, programs open and many other factors affect the processing speed of my computer. Sometimes I can identify the factors, which are affecting the speed. Sometimes I cannot. It is the same with my brain. How quickly and effectively I process incoming data, my value system and whether old messages get triggered are affected by rest, sleep, diet, situational stressors, medical illnesses, mental illness, other trauma to the body and a host of other factors, It should not come as a surprise to me that there are times or even days or longer when I do not process incoming stimuli well. When incoming stimuli build up in my brain I tend to get overwhelm and, if not careful, my automatic is to push away stimuli by getting angry, hanging up the phone, physically removing oneself from the source of the stimuli, or trying to numb oneself with food, drugs, alcohol, exercise or some other thing or activity. (Since I do not use drugs or alcohol I have to rely on mentally shutting down, exercise, or some activity such as cleaning.)
When I can identify the issues as a processing differential or issue I can just accept that I cannot deal with incoming stimuli well at this time and, when possible, reschedule that activity or take a short break. Sometimes, as with my friend Terry who is dealing with the aftermath of his home flooding, having a friend to be there for moral support as he inventories the damage is enough to help pace oneself. The one action I do not want to take is to feed the anger or defensive thoughts. As long as it is “just” a processing issue I can remain calm. Once I start fussing at myself/blaming self or another then I feeding the sense of distress and going to get worse.
Sometimes just taking a moment to focus on my breath is enough to help me triage with incoming stimuli. I do not have to deal with all issues at once. I can possibly handle one item well right now.
Today, although there have been some new financial and related issues with which I must deal, nothing feels very stressful. I feel well and know that I am very competent and I can and will handle whatever I need to handle today. Nothing is a big deal. The difference? I am not sure. I know that I did some writing and some praying/meditation. I got more sleep than is normal. I have been to the gym and I have a relatively light schedule today. There is no significant change in the weather or in other factors affecting my health today.
Today the processing speed is decent. For that I am grateful.
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